To Tell or Not To Tell: Disclosing Your HIV Status en español
Spouses, Partners, & Significant Others
Studies have shown that most HIV-positive people disclose their HIV diagnosis to their significant other – their spouse or partner – within a few days of learning their status. One approach that many follow is to consider that the only people you need to tell about your status are those who come in direct contact with your bodily fluids such as blood, semen, or vaginal secretions. Most immediately that means a spouse or partner.
The HIV issue in relation to a significant other can be complex. If you've had unprotected sex with your partner, it's a matter of alerting them to the fact that they may have been at risk and should get tested. Second, regardless of your partner's decision to test and his or her results, you're now making them aware of the need for you both to practice protected sex together in the future.
You might also want to tell your spouse or partner in an effort to get the emotional support you need. It's important to have someone to listen to your concerns, to offer suggestions, and to just simply be there. In some situations, helping with daily life chores or picking you up at a doctor's office are things that can also become important. Sometimes people fear becoming a burden when they have health problems. Actually, sharing these daily experiences can be seen as an opportunity for building a deeper intimacy and a stronger partnership.
It's perfectly normal to experience anxiety about telling a partner. Before he or she can respond to your needs, your partner may first feel anxiety about his or her own HIV status (which can only be addressed through HIV testing) and may also feel angry and upset if the HIV infection occurred sexually, outside of the relationship. If you've been in a monogamous relationship, and assuming your partner has been HIV negative, the issue of your having had sex outside of the relationship can be highly charged emotionally. Depending on whether you've been getting along well or not up to the time of your diagnosis, disclosing your HIV status can add strain on the relationship. It's important for you to give some thought as to when and how to disclose, while bearing in mind that "keeping secrets" is generally not recommended. This is a time when getting some professional counseling can be very helpful.
It's important for you to be aware of what the laws are in your state with regard to contract tracing and partner notification. Contact tracing refers to the efforts of government agencies to identify any and all persons who might be at risk of contracting HIV from an infected person. Partner notification refers to information conveyed to spouses, sexual partners, needle sharers and others who might be at risk for HIV infection. The laws regarding this vary from state to state. In many states, partner notification can be done anonymously through the state's Department of Health. The Department of Health in your state is a good source of information about what the legal procedure is in your state and how it might apply to you.
As it has been since the early days of the HIV epidemic in the 1980s, contact tracing and partner notification continue to be highly sensitive issues. A continuing social hostility towards AIDS, along with fear on the part of the general public (often because of their lack of knowledge about the realities of HIV transmission), has understandably made those living with HIV inclined to be cautious and even secretive about disclosing their HIV positive status.
General contact tracing and partner notification issues to consider:
In general, physicians may breach patient confidentiality in this situation and notify a sexual or needle sharing partner of an individual's HIV infection who is at identifiable risk of infection, as long as they act in good faith and offer only the information necessary to help the notified person protect against future risk of infection or seek medical treatment.
These guidelines do not require that a physician disclose the name of the person who might be putting an individual at risk, although in some instances that identity will be obvious.
These guidelines do not justify disclosures about HIV information to insurers, employers, schools, or other institutions.
Efforts at contact tracing need not breach medical confidentiality with regard to the HIV positive person. They need only advise people that they may have been exposed to HIV infection.
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