If you have parents with whom you have a good relationship, disclosing to them can actually lead to an even stronger relationship. Of course, what you're telling them is unhappy news, yet the most common experience is that most seem to find that their parents (and other family members) want to know.
They're likely to be concerned about your future. You may find yourself educating them about HIV, as well as giving them emotional support. As they come to see that you're getting on with your life, and that your life is still good, their anxieties are likely to ease. Realistically, you also have to consider that if your relationship with them in the past has been less than ideal, this news may further strain relations, at least for a while.
Family: Siblings, Children, and Other Family Members
A man from a large Irish Catholic family reported, "I told my siblings in order of our closeness. ...I chose to deal with their children about it when the time seemed right" (in terms of their ages). Overall his siblings were supportive in their reactions. One brother wept. Another kicked a hole in the wall in frustration. His elderly mother simply said, "What's done is done."
HIV-infected parents face different and difficult decisions concerning disclosure to their children. These include important considerations of the prognosis of parental health and the matter of custody planning for underage children. Understanding the implications of infection may be beyond younger children. Decisions must be made about what to disclose, and whether it should be to all of the children or only to those who are older.
The mother of a then-13-year-old teenage daughter recalls, "I knew if I delivered the news in a calm, matter-of-fact way, she would also remain calm... She was no longer a small child from whom things can be hidden… Over the following months she would sometimes ask more questions. I always answered as simply and as honestly as I could. The fact that she knows I'm being honest with her goes a long way to helping her to be at peace with my status."
General family disclosure tips to consider:
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Keep what you say as simple and as direct as possible. |
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Tell them why you want them to know. |
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Offer to answer any questions they may have. |
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Let them know they don't have to worry about your health. |
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Ask them to be there for you. |
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Tell them how much they mean to you and how much you love them. |
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Particularly if the family is a close one, consider how you would feel if someone in your family was in your situation or a similar one and chose not to tell you about it. |
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Don't be afraid to show your feelings and to express how important this issue is for you. |
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